A Bear, However Hard He Tries Grows Tubby Without Exercise (Reprise)

First, a picture of the tubby bear.

Notice the thematic onesie.

Anyway, it has come to my attention (because I like spying on all of you, and so can check where people have been checking the blog from) that there have been a lot of one-off hits from various locations in which I know no one (like Korea and the Virgin Islands and a multitude of towns all across the US).  And if I look at the referring link, it is a Google search for the phrase "A bear no matter how hard he tries grows tubby without exercise."  This appears to be a bastardized version of the line from the poem, that has been reprinted in some monstrosity called "Pooh's Little Instruction Book" that not only appears to make up sayings of Winnie-the-Pooh, as if he were some enigmatic sage who went around asking people the sound of one hunnypot sitting* (which, if he'd had anything to do with it would have been a sort of echo-y squelch), but also can't correctly reproduce the things that A.A. Milne actually said.  And besides that, conflates the Edward Bear who worried about his tubbiness in the poems with Pooh himself.  It's enough to drive anyone spare. 

But since, in this post, I provided a link to the full text of the poem, and used the phrase "no matter" in some other context, people searching for that particular spurious Pooh-ism get to the post, find the link, and then find the text of the poem.

Yet there is a problem, and I must fix it.  The link I provided in the original post goes to a version of the poem that omits a verse, so I am inadvertently contributing to the fog of lies surrounding this simple poem.

In order to set the record straight, here is the complete text of the poem, copied directly out of the real, honest-to-goodness print copy of The World of Christopher Robin, which combines When We Were Very Young and Now We Are Six (and not M's new version, but rather my old battered copy that I think I got for my 4th or 5th birthday.  Or perhaps my 6th, since then I would appreciate Now We Are Six.  And Clever as Clever, don't you think?).

Anyway, here it is:

Teddy Bear

A.A. Milne

A bear, however hard he tries,
Grows tubby without exercise.
Our Teddy Bear is short and fat
Which is not to be wondered at;
He gets what exercise he can
By falling off the ottoman,
But generally seems to lack
The energy to clamber back.

Now tubbiness is just the thing
Which gets a fellow wondering;
And Teddy worried lots about
The fact that he was rather stout.
He thought: "If only I were thin!
But how does anyone begin?"
He thought: "It isn't really fair
To grudge me exercise and air."

For many weeks he pressed in vain
His nose against the window-pane,
And envied those who walked about
Reducing their unwanted stout.
None of the people he could see
"Is quite" (he said) "as fat as me!"
Then with a still more moving sigh,
"I mean" (he said) "as fat as I."

Now Teddy, as was only right,
Slept in the ottoman at night
And with him crowded in as well
More animals than I can tell;
Not only these, but books and things,
Such as a kind relation brings ----
Old tales of "Once upon a time,"
And history retold in rhyme.

One night it happened that he took
A peep at an old picture-book,
Wherein he came across by chance
The picture of a King of France
(A stoutish man) and, down below,
These words: "King Louis So and So,
Nicknamed 'The Handsome' "! There he sat,
And (think of it!) the man was fat!

Our bear rejoiced like anything
To read about this famous King,
Nicknamed "The Handsome."  There he sat,
And certainly the man was fat.
Nicknamed "The Handsome."  Not a doubt
The man was definitely stout.
Why then, a bear (for all his tub)
Might yet be named "The Handsome Cub"!

"Might yet be named."  Or did he mean
That years ago he "might have been"?
For now he felt a slight misgiving:
"Is Louis So-and-So still living?
Fashions in beauty have a way
Of altering from day to day.
Is 'Handsome Louis' with us yet?
Unfortunately I forget."

Next morning (nose to window-pane)
The doubt occurred to him again.
One question hammered in his head:
"Is he alive or is he dead?"
Thus, nose to pane, he pondered; but,
The lattice window, loosely shut,
Swung open.  With one startled "Oh!"
Our Teddy disappeared below.

There happened to be passing by
A plump man with a twinkling eye,
Who, seeing Teddy in the street,
Raised him politely to his feet,
And murmured kindly in his ear
Soft words of comfort and of cheer:
"Well, well!"  "Allow me!"  "Not at all."
"Tut-tut! A very nasty fall."

Out Teddy answered not a word;
It's doubtful if he even heard.
Our bear could only look and look:
The stout man in the picture-book!
That "handsome" king---could this be he,
This man of adiposity?
"Impossible," he thought.  "But still,
No harm in asking.  Yes I will!"

"Are you," he said, "by any chance
His Majesty the King of France?"
The other answered, "I am that,"
Bowed stiffly, and removed his hat;
Then said, "Excuse me," with an air,
But is it Mr. Edward Bear?"
And Teddy, bending very low,
Replied politely, "Even so!"

They stood beneath the window there,
The King and Mr. Edward Bear,
And, handsome, if a trifle fat,
Talked carelessly of this and that . . .
Then said His Majesty, "Well, well,
I must get on," and rang the bell.
"Your bear, I think," he smiled.  "Good-day!"
And turned, and went upon his way.

A bear, however hard he tries,
Grows tubby without exercise.
Our Teddy Bear is short and fat,
Which is not to be wondered at.
But do you think it worries him
To know that he is far from slim?
No, just the other way about----
He's proud of being short and stout.

*Seriously, look at this gem, attributed to Pooh: "Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day."  Humph.  And then around the tree again so I can say humph again because this is so . . . so . . . well, I can't use the words on this blog.